My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
