can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
