i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
