she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I deserve this hangover.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
