similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
