my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
