u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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