Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
