Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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