what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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