college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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