That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize