i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
third nipple confirmed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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