you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
