and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
