just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
