Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
