woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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