Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
