Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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