Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
