with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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