dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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