I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize