Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
