I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
