Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
