I want to have your abortion
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
