I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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