ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
false alarm, still single
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
