i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
