U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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