Someone shit on the floor
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
