I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
organizing the empties. That sober.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I touched a dick in church today
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
