Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
