WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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