I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The air taste purple.
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