apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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