this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
