He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
