I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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