just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize