were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
