Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
