Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You have to summon your inner elephant
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
