Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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