She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
