we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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