i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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