Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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