well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
