seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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