I am in a vortex of obligation.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
