Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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