Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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