I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
