We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
