Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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