I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Two words: blizzard sex
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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