I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
