apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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