I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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