Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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