didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
