Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
