And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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