i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
