Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
