saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
