11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
