How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
