So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
