Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
