drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
