My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
