i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
