it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
