this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
