u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
