She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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