I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
