Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
try to milk me bitch
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
