who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
