Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
