I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
