dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize