I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
