Just cropdusted the office
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But break dance skills will only take you so far
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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