I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
