I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
