I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
