I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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