Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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